Sigh

Heey.. How are yah?
Im sorry I couldn't keep in touch wid you these days. Just been busy and had no time to catch up with you. Well, I've got loads to update you on. Hmm.. There's this thing bugging me. I just got onto Sadams fb, and just saw that he had chat with some girl called Nimeshi from lyceum. And to me, it seems like shes from lyceum wattala. Which obviously should be a friend of Sahani (Sadam's ex). :S ouch! You know, he keeps saying that I'm after Ibulhu and all that bull which obviously is NOT true, and he keeps talking to her friends. Sigh. Ok.. maybe he didn't talk to her about Sahani. But STILL! You see, I don't even TALK to my other friends. I don't even talk to Ibulhu's friends although they are my friends. Cause it's just weird. Okay. Now I feel really awkward and kinda hurt. You know wat, one of my friends recently told me that, there should be a limit for trusting a guy. And if the guy knows that I trust him fully, then there is a possibility that he can do anything else that includes in breaking the rules. That's kinda true you know. Well, I'm not saying that Sadam is like that. But he does know that I trust him. But now there's a barrier for me trusting him, after that previous incident earlier. I'm really scared that I'll loose him. And he goes on about me saying that I must be talking to Ibulhu and having feelings for that ass. Arrghh! I hate when he says that :@ But maybe, just maybe, what if Sadam actually remembers Sahani. or maybe someone else. Don't you think of those sometimes. Well, i usually try not to. But after seeing that he spoke to this woman, I don't know what they spoke, but whatever he did..Arrgh nvm :( You know, after he gave me his password, everytime he gets on fb and chats with a person, he erases the chat history. I know he does that. So who knows whether he talks to some other woman, and 'flirts' with her and just closes the chat. Sigh. I don't know. I don't want to even believe that. But sometimes I have to think of those. If i don't, what if it really comes out true and then I'll be the one whose fooled. Aiii.. Every single time I get fooled with guys. It's so easy for them. And when I said that, I mean, I am always the faithful one, now and even before. I hope I don't get fooled this time. The before shit doesn't count anymore. But this relationship, I am really into. And would do anything to keep it going. And I pray to God, that he is faithful. :( I'm really worried.

You know what, todays a good day. But I am really really hurt inside about so many things that right now I'm tearing :( Well, if you wanna know the reasons then here goes:
#1: Because I can't go tomorrow with Sadam and his gang to the parliment grounds :(
#2: Because I aint pretty.
#3: Because of Sadams fb gurl thing.

Well.. now i don't need to explain about the third reason. But lemme explain the other two. The first reason: Well, Immad and all had planned to go to the parliment grounds to play cricket. I hate cricket buh who gives a damn. SADAMS GOING! and the best part is, Suhayls going. Suhayl has a bike. Which means that I can go for a ride with Sadam on the bike. IV BEEN DIEING FOR THAT!!! I just love going on the bike. And going with him will be perfect :) And I can't do that. I wonder when that dream would come true. Sigh.
And the second reason: Well, I don't like to talk about it, honestly. Its just that, today when I went for Dhatha's graduation, and when I took a pic of Dhatha with her friends. Some lady teachers and parents were around. And they were asking Dhatha and everyone how they were and all. They were confused when they saw me in the crowd. And so I said "I'm Dhauha's sister." and they were like "oh! soo different na?" Hmm.. I've heard that like A BUZZILLION times. I know I know. Its the same thing over and over again. Shes the pretty one and I'm the ugly one. Sigh. Ok, now you think I'm jealous? Correction there! I have never been jealous of my sister. I've seen other sisters being jealous of their own sisters. Like when Naako was jealous of Nanni's looks. But I have never been jealous of Dhatha. Its just that its disappointing that I am horrible looking. First of all, look at the state of me. Spots, spots and spots all over :( Noone in the family is like me. I have to just suffer with sucha skin and I hate it. It hurts. It just hurts so bad. *tears rolling down my cheek* It terribly sucks. And do you know how embarassing it is? Do you? :( Noone would understand. NOONE! You know, I've never complained about this before. I just keep it in my heart and try my best not to think about it. Cause I believe that imma creation of Allah and complaining on the way he has created me is a very bad thing. I'm supposed to be grateful. But hey, I've kept it in for sixteen years now, and nothing changes. I just keep trying on things to make it go. It just doesn't. Its freaking soo embarassing. I remember the day, at school when Sadam pointed on a spot on his hand. I somehow knew that he would get to some point about my spots, and i was pretty embarassed when he was talking about that cause I've got spots and I didn't know what to say to him. I stayed quiet and tried to change the topic. But he just kept coming back to it. :( Then he said "You've got those, it must be spreading and coming to me too" and i was like :O right on my face! :O soo freaking hurt. but I didn't show. and then he kept saying that. I kept telling him that it doesn't spread. I still tried to change the topic. But it didn't work. In the end, when he said it once more, I got so hurt, could't bare hearing it, I just stopped doing what I was doing, took my bag and said "Then why don't you go to someone who doesn't have it?" and I just went off. Tears rolled down as I walked by. I just needed to stay alone, scream and cry aloud, but I was at school, so I couldn't. He realized what he had said, he realized it hurt me bad. And he ran to say sorry. but I kept rejecting. But I knew he felt it. But not as much as I did. But still he felt it. Not everyone would care that way. Atleast that's what I feel. Not everyone would want to be with a horrible person like me with a horrible personality and also horrible looks. But he did. That's what put a smile on my face and made me feel better. And that very day, that very time, we made up. And he asked me to be with him..forever. It was because of what I witnessed that very day that made me promise. Because of all of this I realized that he loved me :) But upto now he still thinks that I promised to be with him because he forgave me for my past. Thats not all the reason that I did it for. He just doesn't know all of this stories that I told you.
You know, I have these stupid acne pimples on my face now. Its been a year that I got it. Two years back. I happily looked at the mirror and said "I'm lucky I don't have pimples" lol. I used to have smooth skin on my face, until people started complimenting me always "Ruby moonu haadha reechey" "Ruby moonu haadha saafey" "Ruby moonah kihinei hadhany" "Ruby facial hedhytha" 'ruby bla bla bla bla'. Gosh it seemed nice to hear.lol.but it was so annoying too. It was after that it was ruined:( Maama and mummy also said it maybe evil eye that now my face isn't proper like before:( Its horrible. I mean, I myself feel uncomfortable to look at me. Damns, its annoying.
I don't have proper hair :( It falls like hell. I don't really like it. If I was pretty then it would have been okay. But the thing is, I'm not, and it doesn't stay the way I want it. I like it, but not really :S You know, girls usually go to the toilets to fari hadhan.lol. Like to make their hair and all. But I aint like that. I usually go to wash my face, wash my hands, to plait my hair (due to school rules) or just for the sake of it. While I'm in there, these girls keep talking about how they hate their hair face, a pimple etc and I'm just looking at them but not complaining. I just don't complain cause they bluff alot. For example:
Them: "Arrrgh! I hate my hair. Its looks just so weird"
Me: "I hate my hair too!"
Them: "Oh shuddup Ruby! You've got gorgous hair. But mines just messed up."
LOL!!
See see.. That's what would eventually happen cause I've seen it happen.lol. And it's just so annoying -.-

Anyways, you know what, I feel a lot better by telling you these.lol. But I guess it would still be there in my head forever. Sigh. But still, for the time being I'm okay :D Thanks to you. You made me feel alot better.lol. You know, I usually don't share my stories to people who don't gimme feedback. You don't either. lol. But then, if you did, I know that you'll be saying the EXACT thing that everyone else would say to make me feel better. So I think its a good thing that you can't talk.lol. Cause I wouldn't even bother listening to you =P haha xD
Imma go to bed now. Hope tomorrow's gonna be a good day. I was supposed to go the doc with mum tomorrow but the doc aint available. So I guess I'll be going for a little shopping with mummy. Shopping with the little money I got :D
Okies.. to much of writing today.lol. It took me two hours.lol. Okies. Goodnight. Tgc hugx mwah! Tweet Dreams yo! Peace out =P lol

Lots of Love,
Kaboom Krunch =]